Bailey's Cheerleaders

I signed Bailey up through our local parks and recreation for Special Olympics. He is presently doing track and field.  Today I decided to run/walk the track so I brought my foster son, Julian, and my son, Cooper with me.  After we ran the track, we sat in the stands to watch Bailey run.  Cooper and Julian yelled the whole time Bailey ran "GO BAILEY, GO BAILEY!!!" Cooper has always been Bailey's cheerleader.  He has always encouraged Bailey and celebrated Bailey's successes.  Now he is teaching a child who has never been around autistic people until he lived with us how to be a friend and supporter of Bailey.  It warms my heart to know that Bailey's cheer leading squad is getting bigger.  

What would happen if........

Despite the fact I work hard to  learn everything I can about the life of siblings of special needs children so I can avoid many mistakes that parents of these children do, I still mess up from time to time.  This became clear this past week.  Cooper asked Bailey's hab worker if Bailey would cry if he died.  This question upset Bailey terribly as well as Cooper.  Once I was able to calm Bailey down (he cried and said I cry which leads me to think he was trying to say I would cry), I talked with Cooper.  I have learned through researching life of siblings of special needs children that many of these children share the same concerns as their parents.  I have tried not to let Cooper know about my concerns in hopes he would not carry that burden but I think he does just because Bailey is his brother. He has known since he was a toddler that Bailey is different.  Now he is realizing that not only is Bailey different but Bailey's life will  be different than his life.  He worries about Bailey's future.  From my research on siblings of special needs children, this is very typical in these children.  Even though it is typical how is it fair that he has to think of such things.  This is one reason I am working with a non-profit organization in developing a local siblings support group.  If Cooper is going to care for his brother some day, I hope he has a strong support system in place.  This would include people that are in a similar situation.  People he can turn to when things get tough or celebrate with when things are going well. People that get it.   The work I do today I hope will help make a brighter future for both my boys.

Baseball Game

My husband is a big Diamondbacks fan. He was thrilled to have sons to take to games. When each boy was a toddler he started to take them to spring training games and regular season games.
Today he decided to take the family to a Diamondbacks' game. Cooper absolutely loves everything about the game. He enjoys seeing the players up close, he enjoys cheering for the Diamondbacks, and he enjoys stuffing his face with popcorn. I think the other thing he enjoys is his brother's unusually behavior fits right in with the crowd. Bailey loves to join in with the cheering and the clapping. When Bailey makes an unusual noise no one notices because there is all kinds of noises being made during the game. Cooper also gets to interact with Bailey in an appropriate manner. Bailey looks to Cooper to show him what to do during the game and Cooper encourages Bailey when he participates with the crowd. The ball park seems to be the one place Cooper can have a relatively typical brother relationship with Bailey.

Copy Autistic Brother

This post was written a few months ago but continues to be true to this day.


No matter how hard I try to socialize Cooper with typical children, he still copies a couple of Bailey's behaviors. He will make noises back and forth with Bailey. His temper tantrums are very similar to Bailey's except he has more language to use while he is in the middle of it. I wonder how much I should worry about Cooper and how much he will just stop doing as he gets older and is in school. Please share your thoughts and experience in this area of raising a typical child with a special needs sibling.

Typical is not always what you think it will be.

This is a blog I wrote the night before Cooper started Kindergarten.  He has come such a long way.   He absolutely loves his school, teacher, and friends. 

This week I learned that just because I have a neuro-typical child doesn't mean I will always have my fantasy typical child experience.
Cooper will be starting kindergarten in a few weeks. I have been looking forward to this for a couple years for a couple reasons. One I taught kindergarten and two my oldest is autistic so I didn't have the "typical" first day of kindergarten experience.
When I received Cooper's teacher assignment and supply list in the mail I was so excited. I told him that we would go shopping for his school supplies and I would let him pick out his own school supplies. I discuss with him which of his friends will be at the same school as he will be next year and when we would meet his new teacher. As we discuss this, he starts to cry and run away from me. Once I could get him calm down, he tells me he doesn't want to go to a new school. He wants to stay home. This is not what I dreamed would happen. In my mind, Cooper would be excited to meet his teacher and a make new students. Instead I have a very upset little boy. I guess like most things in my life, I have to think outside of the box in order to make this experience the best it can be.

Friends

All parents want their children to chose friends that they approve of and want in their children’s lives.  As a parent of a SN child and neuro-typical child this is true for me.  I want Cooper to chose friends that are nice children but also are accepting of Cooper’s autistic brother. 

Cooper is a friendly and an outgoing child.  His peers really like him so he has many friends.  His good friends know that his brother is autistic.  Some are accepting of it and others are not sure what to think of Cooper’s brother.  One friend has done more than accept Bailey as he is but has worked hard to be a good friend to Bailey as well as Cooper.

Cooper has a friend that is a girl.  They were in preschool together, and now are in the same kindergarten class together.  They ride the daycare bus together and are together before and after school at daycare.  Bailey is also attends the same daycare as Cooper and the little girl.  The little girl always says hi to Bailey and attempts to have a conversation with Bailey.  A couple times I have found Bailey and her actually playing together.  The little girl can be bossy which irrates Cooper but when she is with Bailey she is different.  She is still in charge and leading Bailey through the pretend activity they do together but the manner in which she does it is more instructional than trying to control the situation.    She has taught Bailey some important play skills that others have not been able to do. 

I have worked hard to find friends for Cooper that are accepting of Bailey.  Seems like Cooper has done that on his own without any effort.

The Waiting Room

One thing I have learned from having a special needs child and a neuro-typical child, life is full of waiting rooms for the special needs child’s sibling. Cooper has been sitting in waiting rooms long before he was two years old. It is just a part of his life.   Bailey has to do therapy and Cooper has to wait in the waiting room with mom. 

All waiting rooms are not the same.  Some therapy places make an attempt to make the waiting room cheerful.    Other places try to trick you into thinking the room is a lot larger than it is in reality.  There are some things all the waiting rooms have in common.

1. Chairs that usually look comfortable are not when you have to sit in them for an hour or more.
2. Each room has a few toys. The purpose of the toys is to entertain the child who is waiting a short
period of time for their therapy appointment. The toys that are there are not the best toys to keep the
sibling entertained for an hour or more.
3. All the siblings in the waiting room, no matter what their age, sit quietly or play quietly while they
wait for their brother/sister to finish therapy.  

I know that being Bailey’s brother Cooper’s life will always be filled with having to wait in the waiting room.  As a parent how I choose to use that time will affect Cooper the rest of his life.  As a working mother, I try to use my waiting room time to complete work which can be done easily when I do not have Cooper with me.  Today I had Cooper with me in the waiting room of the therapy place Bailey does Occupational Therapy.  Instead of reading something from work, I decided to sit down and talk with Cooper.  For 45 minutes Cooper had my undivided attention.  There was no one to distract me  and no one to interrupt our conversation.  For those 45 minutes, Cooper was able to share all kinds of interesting information about his teacher, his friends, his school, and life in general.  It made the waiting room not seem so boring.  It allowed Cooper and I to create a wonderful unforgettable memory in a place both of us have found to be a normal part of our life.