"When families have high expectations for their children who have special
needs, everyone will benefit. As adults, typically-developing brothers
and sisters will likely play important roles in the lives of their
siblings who have disabilities. Parents can help siblings now by helping
their children who have special needs acquire skills that will allow
them to be as independent as possible as adults. To the extent possible,
parents should have the same expectations for the child with special
needs regarding chores and personal responsibility as they do for their
typically-developing children. Not only will similar expectations foster
independence, it will also minimize the resentment expressed by
siblings when there are two sets of rules -- one for them, and another
for their sibs who have special needs." From What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know by Don Meyer.
My husband and I have worked hard to have similar expectations for our boys. We don't want Cooper to resent Bailey because he is getting special treatment. When he either boy does not complete work at school they both know that they will have to complete the work at home as well as do their homework for that night. If either boy has a problem at school they are discipline in the same manner. Holding Bailey to the same expectation as Cooper helps Bailey develop independence and helps Cooper feel like he is being treated fairly.
