Right to One's Own Life

Don Meyer is the expert when it comes to siblings of special needs children.  He has written many books on the topic, started an annual conference for siblings a couple years ago, and developed curriculum for a siblings support program called Sibshop.  One of his articles that I read over and over to make sure I am doing everything I can to meet Cooper's needs is " What Siblings Would Like Parents and Services Providers to Know".
http://www.siblingsupport.org/publications/what-siblings-would-like-parents-and-service-providers-to-know
Over the next few weeks, I will write about the individual themes and what I do to make sure I am addressing them for Cooper.  This week is the first one: The Right to One's Own Life.

The right to one's own life is something I had thought about long before I read this article.  I knew that Cooper needed to have as close as possible to a neuro-typical childhood as we could provide him.  This meant he would have to do activities that were not centered around Bailey but centered around him.  Making sure Cooper interacted with other neuro-typical children lead me to search for a mom's group when I stayed home with him during his preschool years.  Through my search I found an amazing group of moms that not only accepted Cooper but accepted Bailey even when he was having a rough day.  I am so glad that I found them because they helped me determine when Cooper was doing a developmentally appropriate thing or copying Bailey.  They gave me ideas on how to help Cooper develop in a typical manner and gave him opportunities to socially interact with his peers which gave him a break from the world of autism.

As Cooper gets older, his interests have changed.  Presently, I have him involved in soccer, karate, and swimming.  All of these sports are areas of interests of his as well as activities that don't involve autism.  I also have Cooper attend a different school than Bailey (I would prefer Bailey attend the same school but the autism classroom at that school is for severely autistic children).  At school, he is Cooper.  He is developing friendships that are based upon his interests.  Cooper's personality is developing independent of being  Bailey's caretaker, advocate, teacher, and therapist.    I think providing Cooper his own life allows him to experience a neuro-typical childhood as well as appreciate and love his brother for who he is, autism and all. 

Will She Accept Him??????

As a mother of an autistic child and a neuro-typical child, I think a lot about what they will be like as adults.  I wonder what kind of lives they will lead.  Will both of them lead productive and happy lives?  Will they both have a significant others in their lives?  Will Cooper's significant other accept and love Bailey like Cooper does?  These are just passing thoughts. Nothing that I really spend time thinking about for a long period time.  That was until a few weeks ago. 

Cooper is a very social child and has many friends so he receives many birthday party invitations.  We filter through them and determine which ones are important to him to attend.  A few weeks ago he attended his best friend Leah's birthday party.  It was at a movie theater/diner so I did not have a chance to meet Leah's mother until after the movie.  When we met one of the first things she jokingly said was "We are going to be in-laws someday."  I laughed outwardly but inside my breath was taken away.  The first thing that popped in my mind was will Leah accept Bailey?  Cooper is only 7 years old so something like that shouldn't be something I have to think about but unfortunately it is the reality of my situation.  Some day Cooper will be Bailey's legal guardian and whom he chooses to spend his life with will also be a caretaker of Bailey.  Whom he chooses to spend his life is so important.  It has to be someone that is understanding, caring, and is willing to advocate for Bailey just like Cooper.  Hopefully, my husband and I can teach Cooper how to find that person.