Sense of Humor

Below is a blog written by Cooper about Bailey's sense of humor.  Enjoy!

Bailey has a big sense humor.  He finds everything fun.  Bailey's laugh is loud and lasts a long time.  He likes to laugh at TV shows.  We laugh together at the shows.  I like Bailey's sense of humor.   

Expectations of Typical Developing Siblings

Families need to set high expectations for all their children. However, some typically-developing brothers and sisters react to their siblings' disability by setting unrealistically high expectations for themselves -- and some feel that they must somehow compensate for their siblings' special needs. Parents can help their typically-developing children by conveying clear expectations and unconditional support.  From What Siblings Would like Parents and Service Providers to Know by Don Meyers.

Anyone who knows Cooper knows he is the most laid back kid you know.  As a baby he was so easy going and continues to be that way as a seven years old child.  This easy going nature allows him to be flexible when dealing with Bailey.  If Bailey is having a tough day, Cooper does his best to exhibit his best behavior and finds ways to keep himself occupied while one of us is helping Bailey.  This has it's advantages and disadvantages.  A couple of advantages are he has a plethora of friends because of his easy going nature and he can go with me to meetings if I do not have a sitter for him.  People are amazed at how well behaved Cooper is at the meeting.   A disadvantage is Cooper doesn't really have any boundaries when it comes to other kids, especially those he can tell have special needs.  His kindergarten teacher worked with him to be more assertive about his personal space and to realize that he can set up boundaries with others.  This did help him be more assertive but we have to continue to work with him on this.

One thing we have always done with Cooper is to be sure to show him unconditional support.  Bailey receives so much of our encouragement and support that we have to stop sometimes and remind ourselves Cooper needs that as well because his accomplishments are just as important to him as Bailey's accomplishments are to Bailey.

My Brother's Journey

Below is a post written by Cooper.  Enjoy!

When I was two years old, Bailey had fits and screamed a lot.  It hurt my ears.  My mom helped Bailey not have fits.  Bailey's speech therapist helped Bailey ask questions and answer questions. 

It was difficult to play with Bailey.  He really liked the computer and I wanted to spend time with Bailey so I taught Bailey how to play Star Wars.  I ask him to play Star Wars and he will get off the computer to play with me. 

It was hard to talk with Bailey.  Now it is easier to play with Bailey and talk with him.  He doesn't have fits like he use to have and I am not scared like I use to be. 

Acknowledging Siblings' Concerns

"Like parents, brothers and sisters will experience a wide array of often ambivalent emotions regarding the impact of their siblings' special needs. These feelings should be both expected and acknowledged by parents and other family members and service providers. Because most siblings will have the longest-lasting relationship with the family member who has a disability, these concerns will change over time. Parents and providers would be wise to learn more about siblings' life-long and ever-changing concerns." (from What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know by Don Meyers)

Until I read this point from the article What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know I had never thought that Cooper had the same concerns that my husband and I have about Bailey.  After reading this point, I started to talk to Cooper about his concerns for Bailey.  Just like the article states, his concerns change as he gets older.  He use to worry about Bailey being happy or making friends.  Now he worries about Bailey being able to get a job and being able to keep the job.

One concern he has is does Bailey and him have a true brotherly connection.  This came to light one day when he was in the car with Bailey and Bailey's hab provider.  He asked Jonelle if Bailey would miss him if he died.  This upset Bailey terribly and he tried to explain to Cooper yes he would miss him. He even told Cooper he would cry.   This surprised Cooper because Bailey does not express his emotions very well.  I explained to Cooper that Bailey would definitely miss him if he died before Bailey but how Bailey displays his grief would be different than how Cooper would display grief.  That experience helped Cooper understand that Bailey may not relate to him like a NT brother would but he still loves and cares for Cooper.

Most of our talks with Cooper about his concerns happen naturally like the above situation.  When Cooper asks a questions or states a concern we do our best to discuss it with him.  We  want Cooper to feel comfortable to share his concerns about Bailey so he doesn't have anxiety about Bailey and Bailey's future. Also, we want Cooper to know it is okay to have concerns about Bailey just like we do.