Acknowledging Siblings' Concerns

"Like parents, brothers and sisters will experience a wide array of often ambivalent emotions regarding the impact of their siblings' special needs. These feelings should be both expected and acknowledged by parents and other family members and service providers. Because most siblings will have the longest-lasting relationship with the family member who has a disability, these concerns will change over time. Parents and providers would be wise to learn more about siblings' life-long and ever-changing concerns." (from What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know by Don Meyers)

Until I read this point from the article What Siblings Would Like Parents and Service Providers to Know I had never thought that Cooper had the same concerns that my husband and I have about Bailey.  After reading this point, I started to talk to Cooper about his concerns for Bailey.  Just like the article states, his concerns change as he gets older.  He use to worry about Bailey being happy or making friends.  Now he worries about Bailey being able to get a job and being able to keep the job.

One concern he has is does Bailey and him have a true brotherly connection.  This came to light one day when he was in the car with Bailey and Bailey's hab provider.  He asked Jonelle if Bailey would miss him if he died.  This upset Bailey terribly and he tried to explain to Cooper yes he would miss him. He even told Cooper he would cry.   This surprised Cooper because Bailey does not express his emotions very well.  I explained to Cooper that Bailey would definitely miss him if he died before Bailey but how Bailey displays his grief would be different than how Cooper would display grief.  That experience helped Cooper understand that Bailey may not relate to him like a NT brother would but he still loves and cares for Cooper.

Most of our talks with Cooper about his concerns happen naturally like the above situation.  When Cooper asks a questions or states a concern we do our best to discuss it with him.  We  want Cooper to feel comfortable to share his concerns about Bailey so he doesn't have anxiety about Bailey and Bailey's future. Also, we want Cooper to know it is okay to have concerns about Bailey just like we do.